Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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