Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
