one two three fourrrrnication!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
