Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
