Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
