Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
