Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i out mim tonsoeep
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
