nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
