I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
