i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
