Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
