Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
