dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
