Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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