The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
