Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
