By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
BRING THE BAGELS
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
