i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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