well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
