i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize