just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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