yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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