I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
