I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
