actually, I'm a sock model
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
