I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
