What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize