I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
