she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
