i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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