dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
