Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your cock deserves a montage
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
