Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
