Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
