just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
