After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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