Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
