My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
