Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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