There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
