I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize