just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i dont even know how to be here
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
