Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
