I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
