is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
