I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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