tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
