You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
