Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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