ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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