Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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