I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
