Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
