I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
