Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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