My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
