Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
