His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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