the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
