I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
