Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
