I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
