I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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