im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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