good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize