SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
