i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
