So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
