I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
