I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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