So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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