dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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