Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize